You will not be happy once you’ve ticked all the boxes. Because that is not what life is about. I thought it was. I wrote down everything that I thought would make me happy:
- Get up early.
- Go to sleep earlier.
- Work out / Train for strength and mobility.
- Start my own business.
This was my list. And up until this weekend I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more content with where I’m at in relation to this list. I go to bed most evenings around 8.30PM and I’m asleep by 9PM. I get up around 4.30AM most weekdays and do a short but strength based workout in the garage, followed by a quick meditation on the day ahead, before having a shower, dressing, drinking hot lemon water not coffee over my journal and poetry book, in which I write at least one short poem each day. I then ride to a cafe with my partner, where I begin the first two hours of my day based around work for my own small business and these blog posts. Followed by 8hrs of my actual nine to five.
I’m living the life I always envisioned I might one-day live. Yet I’m still not content.
This all came into perspective after my last two weekend adventures. The first my treacherous hike around the base of Mt Taranaki. The second was an episode of heavy drinking that left me in a pool of my own vomit and piss, which my partner had to clean up at 2AM while I remained semi-unconscious.
The Sunday after I woke up, feeling relatively spritely as there was absolutely no alcohol left in my stomach my new perspective started to take shape. I had nearly died, twice within the space of one week. And in the moment of each event, I couldn’t care less about anything on my list. I also didn’t once think about my regular nine to five.
I’ve been getting so anxious about that list, to the point that if I break my routine, I will feel disjointed and unhappy throughout the day. But to hell with it.
Sleep in if you want to. Watch a movie before bed if your partner wants to. Train hard, but skip a day every now and then, your business is important, but not more important than spending time with your family.